Beautifully Scarred
by broken-butterfliesx
Summary: Takes place in high-school. Jennifer Jareau, 15, is a shy, quiet girl, who barely speaks and has many secrets. Aaron Hotchner just moved to a new school; and tries to help a girl. This is a story about how one person can save someone's life; even in the slightest way. Features the rest of the team, too. WARNING: deals with self-injury, abuse, depression & eating disorders...
1. Chapter 1

"Beautifully Scarred" A _Criminal Minds_ fan fiction.

Takes place in high-school; everyone is a freshman (around 14/15)

**Summary: **Jennifer Jareau, 15, is a shy, quiet girl, who barely speaks and has many secrets. Aaron Hotchner just moved to a new school; and tries to help a girl. This is a story about how one person can save someone's life; even in the slightest way. Features the rest of the team, too.

**Warning: **deals with self-injury & depression, eating disorders, abuse

**Prologue.**

"JJ, what are these?" Hotch asks as he gently grabs JJ's arms, and pulls up her light blue sleeve, lightly. He pulls it up and sees a couple of red lines, off all shapes and sizes, on her arms lined up perfectly.

JJ quickly pulls her arms back, and pulls her sleeves back down, "nothing, Aaron. It's just my cat scratched me." She says nonchalant, but he knows it's a lie.

"No, Jayje. It's not the cat. What are those?" He asks, again, eyeing her arms through her long sleeves. When he gets no reply, just a terrified face, "JJ, no matter what those scars are from, I'll always love you. And _nothing_ you say –or do- can scare me away. I'm here for good."

JJ just looks down, sits on her neatly made bed, goes to the drawer and pulls out a little white jewelry box with little swirls etched on the side. She opens it and Hotch sits down next to her and sees some tissues, Band-Aids, and 2 little razor blades that you can get from a dollar-store razor.

He didn't want it to be this. Anything but this. He closes his eyes, and a tear escapes by its own will. He wipes it away quickly, so JJ doesn't see this. Because he knows it takes a lot of trust for her to show him this; and he knows how much pain someone has to be in to do _this._ And he doesn't want to make it harder on her.

"JJ, how long?" He asks, desperate, because he wants to know how he didn't see the signs. He wants to know how long she has been scarring herself for. When she doesn't respond, he pulls her hand into his lap, pulls up the sleeves to reveal the red marks, some already healed, some not. He rubs his hands over them, and kisses every one of them. To show her that _they_ don't disgust him. That _they_ doesn't scare him.

Once he is done, he looks up to see JJ closing the lid, retracting her arm from his grips and putting the box back in her nightstand. Just when he is about to say something, she speaks; her voice is soft and light, and it doesn't sound like her; but he listens. "I… I really don't know. I've been doing it for as long as I can remember, I guess." She says this all, stuttering some words.

She's not use to this. She wanted to keep it a secret because she doesn't want her family –her loved ones- to feel guilt for something that she did to herself.

"Do you remember when you started?" He asks, because he wants to know all about this side of Jennifer. This broken, little girl side.

"I guess I started it when I was 10… after… my dad was… arrested. I don't know; I just had so many memories of his hands, his eyes, and his belt that I just wanted to forget. And this helped me. But, soon, it became an obsession; and I loved doing it." She says, playing with her hands, and not meeting his eyes.

Tears have formed in Aaron's eyes. He has heard some stories about JJ's messed up past; and while he hasn't heard them all, he knows that they weren't pretty. He knows that Jennifer had to deal with stuff no one, not even Hitler, should have to deal with. Especially at that young. And he wishes –god, he wishes- that he was there for her when she was younger so she wouldn't live with this constant pain of what her dad did –and still does- to her.

"God, JJ, I am so sorry I wasn't there to protect you. To give you a childhood that you deserved." He mumbles with tears in his eyes.

"No, Aaron. NO!" JJ says loudly, pulling Aaron in a big hug. "This is _not_ your fault. It never _will_ be your fault. It's okay that you weren't there to protect me. What my dad did to me, it made me stronger." She says, and lets Aaron rest his head on her shoulder. She sadly cries, that Aaron is the one crying of something he couldn't control.

Soon, after Aaron gets his emotions together, he pulls his head up, "I'm sorry, JJ. You're the one going through everything and here I am crying on your shoulder, like a child, when it should be the other way around."

JJ gives a small laugh, "Well, Aaron, I was always the strong one in our relationship." she nudges him.

"Yeah." He smiles back and gives JJ a kiss on the forehead.

"JJ?"

"Yeah." She turns her head to meet his.

"Does your mom know?" He hates to ask her this question, but he has to know.

The smile automatically detaches from her face and leaves an emotionless one in place. She rapidly stands up and stares at Aaron from her blue wall.

"No. My mom doesn't know. And she _never_ will." She says with major conviction, and goes closer to Aaron, right in his face. "Promise me, Aaron. _Promise me_, you won't tell my mom. She doesn't need to know."

He sighs, debating what to do. Whether he should tell her mom. The right thing to do. Or whether he should keep it a secret. The friend thing to do. "I can't promise anything, Jenny. She's your mom. She deserves to know. She can get you help-"

"NO AARON!" She screams, "I… I don't need help! I'm fine. Okay. _Look at me_. I'm _fine_." She says and Aaron looks up at her whole body to see that she has no physical scars, but emotional ones- there are too many to count. He sees the pain, the misery behind her light-blue crystal eyes. He sees the faded memories of her past that haunt her in her sleep. He sees right through the shy, emotionless exterior and can see her interior- the broken, scared little girl who never dealt with anything. And he knows, that no matter what she says.

She's not fine.

"No, Jennifer, you're not." He says, slowly, not wanting to seem like he is teaming up against her. "And it's perfectly okay. I don't expect you to be this super girl. I expect you to cry, to scream because that's what you should do. You talk about these memories like they don't haunt you in your dreams, that they don't affect you. Because, in reality, they do, Jennifer. You may not see it; but everyone around you sees it. You're not fine." He hates to say this to her, but has to make her see the truth.

She gives him a push, and he sways slightly, but doesn't do much. "Yes, I am, Aaron. I am fine! You don't know what you're talking about. You've never had your dad rape you. You've never had to see your sister kill herself. You've never been through what I've gone through. And I'm FINE! You're a LIAR, AARON. Just leave. PLEASE... just leave." She cries loudly. Not a cry of a little, shy girl, but a cry of a girl who never gotten over the hell that was her childhood.

Instead of getting mad, he pulls her into a hug and holds her tightly. She pounds on his chest with such fervor that he knows it's going to leave a bruise. She tries to push back. To get out of his hold. But, eventually, her knees give out and Aaron is there to catch her.

He pulls her to his chest, and he just lets her cry.

His shirt is soaking wet, but he doesn't mind. He just holds her and rocks her back and forth; caressing her long, wavy, blonde hair. And whispering comforting words into her ear.

Eventually, the sobs die down, and he hears some shallow, steady breaths. He looks to see that JJ has fallen asleep. He cradles her up, in his chest, and gently lays her on her bed and covers her up with a blanket. He cradles her hair and gives her a gentle, tender kiss on the forehead.

He goes on the other side of the bed, in just his t-shirt and his boxers, and lays down next to her. Making sure to catch her when she falls.

Like always.

* * *

**So.. how do you guys like it? I know it's not the best, but remember, it's just the beginning of my story. I hope I dealt with the abuse/self-harm topic correctly, and if I didn't, please feel free to correct me.**

**Self-harm/abuse is something that I take very seriously becuase I know people who have struggled with it all; and it's not easy. Those people give me strength, like really.**

**But I really hope you like this story. Now, since I have school (and missed a lot of it) I will update periodically. But, I will finish this story.**

**If you (or someone you know) is being abused, having suicidal/self-harming thoughts or you think that they are doing something dangerous. Don't be afraid to call or get help. Please call these hotlines:**

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

**Rape & Sexual assault hotline: 1-800-656-4673**

**Self-injury hotline & resources: 1-800-366-8288**

**Until later.**

**Lauren**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello everyone (: I loved all the reviews, so thank you so much. So... here is where the story starts. I really hope you like it; and I know it seems kind of boring, but I have to introduce all the characters first. But, I promise, it will be a lot more dramatic. So.. I really hope you like this story!**

* * *

"A smile can mean a thousand words, but it can also hide a thousand problems."

Ritu Ghatourey

_6 months earlier…_

It was Aaron Hotchner's first day at school. He was dressed up in some jeans and a blue t-shirt. Simple but stylish. He was nervous to start a new school; but, he needed this fresh start. He needed this to get away from all the past memories his old town had.

He looks at his schedule and sees that he has Algebra 2, 1st hour with Mrs. Whittaker. He goes to the school and finds the classroom. He is almost the last person in, and the only seats left are in the back row, between a timid, blonde-hair girl and a preppy girl with medium length brown hair.

He sits down in his seat, and he brown hair girl automatically introduces herself.

"Hi! I'm Emily Prentiss. I see you're new here. Well, I know what it's like to be the new kid; so if you have any questions let me know." she says then sits back at her desk, just in time for the bell to ring.

The teacher walks in. She's young -around her early 30's with curly, brown hair and green eyes. She's young and fun looking. "Hi everyone. We have a new student today; can a Mr. Aaron Hotchner please stand up?"

He stands up, shyly, and looks around at the people looking at him. They all smile and wave at him.

Except the blonde girl; she just slumps in her seat, rubbing her sleeve.

"Well, thank you. And I expect all of you to make Mr. Aaron feel welcome. Now... Today we're going to learn about the quadratic expressions. Now does anyone know what it is?" she asks and continues on with her lesson, which Aaron doesn't pay much attention to.

He looks around and Emily whispers to him: "Okay. You see the black guy with the short hair and the football jersey?" he nods his head. "Well, that's the one and only Derek Morgan. He's a stud; but he has a girlfriend."

He looks to the girl sitting right next to him. She's pretty with her blonde hair with eccentric color highlights and some mismatch outfits that look cute together. "The girl dressed weirdly, that's the one and only... Penelope Garcia. She dresses crazy, but she is the sweetest girl you will ever know."

He looks around and points to the boy who is in the front of the class, answering all he questions; with shaggy blonde hair.

"That's Spencer Reid. Some super genius boy. Skipped like 2 grades. He's only 12; but he's cool once you get to know him."

"And that guy is David Rossi." He looks to the guy in front of him, who has his eyes in a book. "He's kind of hard to get to know. But after that, he's really funny and makes the best chicken parmesan ever."

"Do you know like everyone?" He asks, seriously.

She shrugs, "Yeah. I know a lot of people but I know everyone's name. I'm pretty nice."

"Okay, then who is that blonde girl."

He looks again to see that she is doodling in her notebook.

"That's Jennifer Jareau. She's really popular. Captain of the soccer team. Always fun to hang around. But, lately, she has been really quiet and non-social. But, don't worry. She was like that for a little while; but she'll get out of her funk." He could sense some jealously in her voice, as little as it is.

He nods, and sees the girl eye him. He looks at her eyes and sees how pretty they are. How the sunlight, from the window, shines on hem making them a lighter, crystal colored blue. She gives him a small smile and he smiles back.

With a quick notice he notices some pain. And he's determined to get to know her.

The class rings and Jennifer is the last one out.

He smiles back at he and goes to his next class; biology.

Biology is pretty boring for him… he's already heard everything about pun net squares, genetics, etc... And he looks around to see that Jennifer is sitting next to him. He scoots his books over and Jennifer gives him a grateful smile.

He loves that smile, he thinks as she sits down and grabs a pencil out of her backpack.

"Hi, you're Jennifer, right?" He asks, and she is startled for a little bit, but she gives her hand to him.

She's wearing a cropped white dress with lace trimming that goes down to her knees and a brown cardigan with a couple of necklaces. Her blonde hair is tied up into a high ponytail with her bangs hanging loosely on the sides of her face. "Yeah. And what's your name?" She asks with a small laugh.

He startles, but eventually says, "Aaron. The name is Aaron."

"Well, Hi Aaron. Are you new here?" She asks, passing time until the bell rings.

"Yeah. Just started here today." He looks to see the bell ringing and the many of students rushing in, to get into their seats, before they are count tardy.

"Well, cool. I've seen you talk to Emily; her and her friends are really nice." She says and then the bell rings and the teacher walks in.

Aaron listens to the teacher talk about genetics and he really isn't focusing. All he is focusing is on Jennifer. A complete enigma wrapped in an oxymoron. He doesn't really know her, but something about her entices him. He doesn't know whether it's the sadness and pain lurking in her eyes or her beautiful smile enchanted on her face.

They get homework in his class, and he goes to his next class: PE. He is about to get up when her realizes he doesn't know where the gym is.

"Umm... Jennifer, do you know where PE is?" He taps her on the shoulder and she turns around.

"Yeah… my class is right across from the gym; you can follow me if you want." She says, unsure. She tries not to itch her arms, but her scars do itch… badly.

He follows her, and Jennifer walks beside him, quietly. Not really engaging in the conversation. Usually, she would tease/flirt with a guy she likes; but now she barley has the energy to get out of bed all day. It's like a storm cloud running over her and stealing all her energy and leaving her hollow inside.

And she hates it.

She notices Aaron look at her, especially her arms; she looks down to realize she is rubbing them through her shirt. She stops, but before she did, Aaron noticed something.

"Are your arms okay? You keep itching them."

She stops and gives what she hopes is a convincing smile. "Yeah, it's fine. It's just I got a rash from playing soccer and it itches."

He looks convinced and she takes a sigh. Thank god she is good at making up lies, she thinks; as they get to the gym. "Well, there it is. Have fun!" She says quickly and rushes off to her next class.

"Thanks, again, Jennifer."

"No problem." She says and then goes to her class and sits down, in the back of the room. Right next to the art supplies.

Her art teacher walks in, and she is really happy. She loves her art teacher and she loves art. "Hello class, welcome back. Today we are going to learn about abstract painting. Now abstract painting is painting…."

Jennifer really didn't listen; she knew all the types of painting. It helped her; ever since she was a little kid. Soon, though, the art teacher gets done with lessons and lets the students paint.

She gets her apron on, takes a paintbrush and paints the canvas. It's filled with a black background with a bunch of colors mixed together, making it look like a huge blob. But she loves it.

When she's painting, she's not thinking about her past. Her future. Her dad. All she is thinking about is herself and what the painting says. She strokes and strokes on the paper until the teacher tells them that class will be over in about 10 minutes.

She gets up, adds her signature on the bottom, and goes to a sink to wipe her paintbrush and clean her hands. But, on her way up there, she sees an exacto knife laying right there. She stares at it and just imagines her pushing that blade into her skin and watching her emotional pain go away. She shakes out of her vision and slowly walks away from the blade. She could have taken it, but it didn't feel right. Stealing something that didn't belong to her. So she walks away and wipes off her paintbrush.

She turns over her canvas and realizes that with all the colors and designs that it made a mismatch girl with an uneven face masked with dark eyes and a sad smile. She realizes that it is depressing and turns it around so no one can see it. Because people will ask her questions.

Her art teacher, Mrs. Sullivan, comes and turns around, "So, Jennifer. What painting did you make today?" She says with a calm, soothing voice that makes you trust her instantly. She's pretty young with long, curly brown hair with a blonde dip dye and hazel eyes.

She shows it to her, and the art teacher opens her eyes and they're brighter. "Wow, Jennifer. This is amazing. You have such depth in your paintings; it's amazing. It takes a true talent to do that. Amazing job." The teacher praises her and she smiles. No one has ever appreciated her painting before, not even her mom and she loves it.

"Thanks. Have a good day." She says before she rushes out, about to be late for lunch.

"You too, honey."

She rushes to lunch, to sit with her friends; so they don't think that she is a loner.

"Hey, Ems." She says and Emily hugs her.

"Hey, J. What's up?"

"Not much." She sets her bag down next to her; making sure her sleeves are pulled down so they don't see her cuts.

She is joking with her friends when Aaron sits down next to them. "Hey everyone."

"Hey, Aaron. I think I've introduced you to everyone." Emily says, and Aaron smiles back. Knowing who the people are, by name.

"Hiya Aaron... My name is the Penelope Garcia. A techie supreme. You're really hot. Are you going to be playing any sports?" Aaron is overwhelmed at her.

Derek nudges her, "Hey baby girl. Leave the new kid alone. It's his first day; don't torture him."

"Ooh, Morgan. Aren't you the one to talk? Whenever a hot girl comes up flirt with her." Emily says, and Aaron is confused why they use their last names.

"Why do you lose your last names?"

"Ooh. Because it's easier." She laughs and Aaron likes this table and can become friends with each and every one of them.

Penelope grabs a pen and writes something down on a small piece of paper; and hands it to Aaron. "Here ya go. Lunch is almost over. But here is all our phone numbers. We all need to hang out!"

He takes it and puts it in his pocket, "Thanks... Garcia. I will."

"Great!" And with that the lunch bell rings and they all go to their next class.

Once the day is done, Aaron has had enough of school and all the homework that comes with it. All he wants is to relax in his room and call it a day. But, his mom is going to pester him about homework and his first day of school so he prepares himself.

He walks in and his mom asks him a bunch of questions, and once he is done; he goes up into his room and takes a nap. Dreaming about a certain blonde.

Jennifer finally gets home and heads up straight into her room, without even saying "hi" to her mom. She hates her mom. And wishes she was dead. But, to her luck, her mom comes into her room.

"Jennifer. Sweetie. Can you come out and help me with the dishes?" Her mom asks and Jennifer ignores her. Not listening to her.

Her mom knocks again, "JENNIFER ANN JAREAU! GET YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE AND HELP ME WITH THE DISHES…NOW!" Her mom screams, really loud. And when Jennifer doesn't answer she pounds harder.

"JENNIFER! NOW! DON'T MAKE ME COME IN THERE!" getting tired of her mother's nagging, she opens her door and her mom grabs her by her hair, pulling her down the stairs.

"Oww, mom. Let go. I'm going." She screeches, but her mom doesn't listen and pulls her into the kitchen and makes her do the dishes.

She does all the limited dishes with tears running down her face. She's silently crying. Her mom goes to watch TV. Once she is done; she runs up into her room and pounds her door, falls down and cries. Huge, heartbreaking sobs. It reminds her of her dad; and his hands; and his yelling. She wants the memories gone.

She goes into her drawer and pulls out a box. She opens it, takes a shiny, little razor blade, about half the size of a pinky, and twists it around her fingers.

She's promised herself that she wouldn't do it. But she just wants everything to go away. She feels so overwhelmed. She feels broken. She feels worthless. And she doesn't want to feel like this. So, she pulls up her sleeve and presses the razor blade onto her skin; and with the corner of it digging into her skin, crimson blood comes up in dots and races down her porcelain skin.

Once she is done with that, she goes up a little higher and makes another cut; she never cuts enough to die, she only cuts enough to get rid of the pain she is feeling inside.

When she sees the skin racing down her arm; she feels euphoric. Like nothing can touch her. All her pain, her misery, just goes away. And, even if it's for a minute, she loves the feeling.

After a couple more minutes; she stops, takes a napkin and dabs her skin so the blood sucks up, making a huge, red dot along the white napkin. She presses down harder, and harder, until after 10 minutes, the bleeding is less severe.

With the napkin still on her skin, she takes a butterfly band aid and puts it on her cut. Hoping that nobody will know. That it will be her dirty little secret.

She wipes her tears, and all of a sudden her phone rings… she takes a huge sigh and answers it. "Hello?"

"Hi, Jennifer. It's Aaron."

And, for the first time, since she got home: she smiled.

* * *

**There it is... chapter 1 (or 2) 3 I really hoped you liked it all; and, as always, I hope I did okay with the self-harm/abuse topic. I know more about self-harm than abuse.. so I hope I portrayed it right; if not, PLEASE don't be afraid to tell me... I won't get offended.**

**And, if you know someone who is thinking about suicide or is in a dangerous situation, please call these numbers.**

**National Suicide Prevention lifeline:** 1-800-273-8255

**Rape & Sexual assault hotline: **1-800-656-4673

**Self-injury hotline & resources:** 1-800-366-8288

**National Child Abuse Hotline:** 1-800-422-4453

(and if you want anymore, from any country.. please let me know.)

until next time;

Lauren.


End file.
